Are you unable to experience happiness? Are you tired of feeling unsettled or discontented? We all yearn for happiness, completeness, and fulfillment in life. While occasional dips into hopelessness and despair are common when life throws hardships our way, for some, these feelings loom larger and persist longer. There are those who are more resilient and are able to course correct, but others struggle with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. They find making even the most simple decisions incredibly challenging. Thus, they have a harder time building confidence to succeed. 

Learning how to love who you are will help you build confidence and resilience. You may not always have all the answers, but when you “love you,” you will trust in your ability to course correct, even when you haven’t handled something the way you would have wished. 

Isn’t loving you narcissistic? There is a tendency to believe that loving yourself is a bad thing. When you were growing up, you may have heard someone called “cocky” or heard them described as “having a big ego,” implying that they were arrogant, conceited, or braggy when they were merely showing confidence. Loving you is not about being self-absorbed. It’s about extending yourself grace and treating yourself as well as you would treat others.

Loving you helps you to live life more fully. You are optimistic, happy, more energized, and able to weather the storms. If you are a person who struggles to love yourself, the following ideas may be helpful:

Embrace love and light in your life.

• Commit your spirit to be open to absorbing an abundance of good and positivity.

• Spend time with loving people who uplift and buoy up.

• Read good books, and listen to uplifting music.

• Pause and reflect on what you are grateful for.

• Stop to listen to the birds chirp, and give appreciation for nature.

• Give compliments frequently, and accept them from others.

• Watch for moments to serve daily. It doesn’t need to be overwhelming. It can be as easy as holding the door for someone or offering to carry someone’s bag.

• Pray continually for blessings for yourself and others. As you embrace love and light, it will begin to shine from within and extend to others.

Apply forgiveness and look toward the future.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool for emotional health. Negative emotion wreaks havoc when trapped within the body. When you carry emotional pain, resentment, or anger, it is equivalent to carrying around toxic baggage. The emotional weight affects your mood, relationships, and physical health. It’s impossible to be genuinely happy when you can’t forgive yourself or another person. By practicing forgiveness, you are more than letting go of past grievances; you are freeing yourself from the burden of negative residue, which is hindering your personal growth and happiness. Take time at the end of each day to reflect on personal mistakes, make amends, let go of grievances, forgive, and look toward the future. Be open to love. 

Talk honestly with yourself all day long.  

Loving you requires genuine honesty. Ditch the silly affirmations that feel empty or disingenuous. While they have their place, your internal dialog needs to align with your beliefs and feelings. Being honest with yourself means acknowledging where you are at, what you genuinely need to work on, and when you should celebrate. Use supportive and encouraging language with yourself throughout the day.

Focus on the process and the effort. Rather than putting energy toward affirmations that feel out of reach, celebrate your efforts to overcome challenges. Acknowledge your courage, resilience, and adaptability. This will build confidence authentically, which causes more growth and more loving you! 

The following is an example of loving you self-talk: 

• Before a new experience: “You are very brave to accept this new challenge! Staying calm and relaxed will help you to do your best. Focus on your breathing, and you will do great!”

• During a new experience: “This is super out of your comfort zone; you are so brave for putting yourself out there! You are doing it! What an opportunity for growth!” 

• After a new experience: “That was hard for you, and yet, you handled that really well! It may not have been perfect, but you adjusted to the obstacles as they came along and stayed calm throughout. This is a big step for you! Next time around it will be easier!”  

 Happiness is yours to have! While your natural self may tend to ruminate on self-defeating thought processes, over time, you can change your inner dialogue to become light and happy if you are willing to give yourself grace, compassion, encouragement, and support. Talk kindly to yourself and love you!