In the December issue of Kiplinger Magazine, Edward Mercier wrote, “Retirement is a source of significant anxiety for Americans. It’s reported that 40 percent fear retirement more than death.” How can this be? After all, retirement is the idyllic time of life we’ve worked for, saved for, and dreamed about for decades. Yet, when the time comes, many are hesitant, nervous, anxious, and according to Mr. Mercier, frightened.

It has been said that retirement is like heaven. Both describe a beautiful future life, yet when it comes down to it, few are ready to go and even fewer volunteer to go early.

During the course of my retirement, I’ve met individuals struggling to make sense of or find meaning in their retirement. I’ve thought a lot about what separates those living their dreams from those lying awake at night. I would suggest there are three factors contributing in one degree or another to almost everyone’s fear of retirement.

1.  Loss of Identity

American businessman and politician, James Hennigan, said, “Like it or not, whatever identity we have in this country, especially for men, comes from what we do for a living. It’s the first question we ask and are asked. ‘Retired’ is not an identity; it’s the lack of one.” The loss of identity is not given the attention it deserves before we retire because our focus is on getting to retirement. I strongly suggest that you take retirement seriously. Spend time before you retire asking yourself who you will be without a job. I can’t emphasize enough the impact loss of identity has on nearly every retiree. It happens quickly. One day you’re a polished professional; the next, you’re an awkward amateur. Remember, you must always have a reason to get up in the morning. If you don’t, you will struggle (fear).

2.  Mislabeled Retirement Plans

Most retirement plans should be more appropriately labeled “quit plans.” They use a variety of formulas with differing assumptions to calculate your number: the number of financial resources you’ll need for your actuarially adjusted life-span. In other words, they determine when you’ll be able to quit your job. What you do after that is up to you since a quit plan does not address it. A quit plan instills a false sense of confidence: it can cause you to feel you’re on the right track but gives little or no direction about what to do at the end of the track. Remember, your plan shouldn’t be focused solely on getting to retirement but also on living a meaningful life after retirement (more fear).

3. Few Role Models

Think of the retirement your father or grandfather had. In my case, not one of the three actually lived in retirement. My grandfathers both died during the working stages of their lives, and my dad died after being placed on disability with a terminal illness. Retirement is a construct of a modern world. In the Stone Age, there were no old people. Everyone was fully employed up to age twenty, and then they died—usually of unnatural causes. Any person old enough to develop crow’s feet was either worshiped or eaten as a sign of respect. The fact is that you have very few examples that can act as a pattern for your own retirement, and nobody wants to get retirement wrong (more fear).

What’s the Answer?

For anyone preparing for a satisfying retirement or for those stuck in a dissatisfying retirement, my suggestion is this: don’t spend all your time fantasizing about your to-do list. To be sure, it is important and will bring enjoyment, but “doing” or indulging in a life filled with leisure is not a sustainable strategy. The time will come when you have worked through your entire list or when “doing” is no longer doable. Then, what?

Consider shifting your retirement strategy from “doing” to “being.” Begin by thoughtfully creating a to-be list. It may seem confusing, so start small. For example, your list may contain the following: I want to be a great spouse; I want to be an awesome grandparent; I want to be a good neighbor. As you identify who you want “to be” in retirement, what you need “to do” in retirement will become clear. You don’t have to change the world; the world doesn’t even have to (and probably won’t) acknowledge your contribution. The goal is to make your world better, and in the process, the world will become better.   

Be a person whose retirement is purposeful. Think of it as a gift, and don’t be selfish. Discover how you can use your time, talents, and experience to make your family, neighborhood, and community better. By doing so, you will create a retirement that brings satisfaction, builds your sense of identity, and gives you a reason to get up in the morning. It’s almost heaven!