We built our home twenty-four years ago in a brand new neighborhood. When we moved in, the yard was yet to be finished. One weekend, my husband rented a Bobcat mini excavator to get our dirt prepped for landscaping. The rental was only for Saturday morning, and as the excavator had to be returned by noon that day, he got up early to get started. 

A few minutes into the task, he noticed a new neighbor, someone we hadn’t yet met, a few houses down. She was standing on the sidewalk, hands on hips, staring at him. His thought, “Oh, no. She’s mad that I’m out here so early on a Saturday morning making such noise.” However, he continued to carry on with his excavation work, noticing every few minutes her look of annoyance. After a while, he watched her walk up the street toward him. 

He cut off the engine and prepared to be berated. But as he was starting to apologize, she surprised him as she approached by asking, “Hey, did you rent this for the day? Could I use it when you’re done?” Whaaaat? She wasn’t mad? All this time, she had just been working up the nerve to ask to borrow the Bobcat? My husband was so relieved he offered to do the work for her, which he did. They were instant friends. 

To this day, my husband and I still joke about this incident. We appreciate the lesson it taught both of us: things (and people) aren’t always as they seem at first glance. A person may appear angry but may actually be lost in deep concentration or in this case, may actually be contemplating asking a favor. 

We use discernment every day. We decide what is appropriate attire for a job interview, what our discouraged loved one needs to feel lighter, and when we are burned out and need to say, “No. Not this time.” 

Below are several ways to help boost your ability to use correct judgment in daily decisions:

• Practice listening. Hear to understand, not to reply.

• Learn to observe objectively. Mentally step back until you are able to see a situation without the emotion.

• Trust your instincts. They are seldom wrong. Ask, “What am I feeling right now?” or “Does this look right to me?”

• When you can, give the benefit of the doubt. 

• Try to see from another’s perspective. What would make him say that? Where is she coming from?

• Be present. Awareness in the moment is invaluable in making correct judgments.

Every day, you make decisions in your life, big and small. Some things you’ll decide in an instant. Other things you’ll want to take the time to thoroughly contemplate. If you suspect you are being scammed, don’t be afraid to call a trusted friend and walk them through the scenario. If you wonder if someone is lying to you, tune in to your inner wisdom, even as you step back to look at the situation more objectively. And when meeting someone for the first time, if they look mad, smile and give them the benefit of the doubt. They just may surprise you by simply asking for a favor.