Breaking free from any habit is a real struggle and can be very frustrating. Some habits are seemingly minor, like quitting caffeine, biting your nails, or mild procrastination, and some are more intense, like eating disorders, self-harm, substance abuse, or sexual addiction. Some of the more minor habits may be more of an annoyance than a disruption, but more severe behaviors can be debilitating and compulsive, leaving you at your wits end.

The more severe behaviors are personally distressing because they don’t align with your core values: who you truly want to be. You may promise to change but fail to do so time and time again, finding yourself on autopilot, repeatedly falling into the same destructive patterns despite your best intentions to quit. In the process, these behaviors cause you to not only betray yourself but often hurt those you love.

In frustration at your failed attempts to control these impulses, you ask yourself, "What is wrong with me?" You believe you must be defective to have these urges in the first place. This internal conflict creates shame, which pulls you deeper into the very behaviors from which you wish to break free

Self-betrayal is a painful experience. It causes you to feel ashamed of yourself and frustrated that you continue to act in ways that do not serve you well. So you cover up your secret, hoping that nobody figures out that something is wrong with you.

All is not lost! Be generous to yourself and note that your mind sees a need, and that need drives you to do whatever will make you feel better, despite the fact that your values and beliefs may be telling you to do something different. Know that there are steps you can take to begin the journey of breaking free from your destructive behaviors. Start with the following:

• Separate yourself from believing you are your compulsion. Be kind to yourself, and realize that you are valuable. Go through a process of apologizing to and forgiving yourself for your poor choices. Going forward, stand firm with who you truly are. Be cognizant of your personal power to choose and to stand up against your impulses.
  

• Release your secret. In order to release the internal shame and break free of the cycle, secrets must go. Identify a trusted confidant, a parent, spouse, friend, or ecclesial leader on whom you can unload your burden. Be honest with the extent you are struggling and how long it has enslaved you. Be brave and admit you need support and accountability. 
  

• Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with you, try asking, “Why am I doing the thing I want to stop?” The “whys” are important because they lead you to the root of the issue. Without curiosity, you won’t come up with a solution to the problem. With your confidant, talk about your memory of when the behavior started and what was going on at the time. This will help you process the underlying feelings. Then, distinguish the “what and how” from the “why”: What is your brain trying to accomplish with the compulsion, and how can you meet those needs in a healthy manner?
  

• Build your feel-good hormones. Deficiencies in one or more of the feel-good hormones—endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, or the catecholamines (dopamine, norepinephrine, epinephrine)—cause unwarranted behavioral reactions. Deficiencies are generally caused by long periods of stress, trauma, neglect, or genetic disposition. They are commonly factors in behavioral entrapment and may be the root cause of your compulsions. Refuel these hormones by seeking positivity wherever you are. Incorporate meditation, yoga, prayer, acts of kindness, and hugs into your life. Recognize beauty and cultivate gratitude. An added avenue for healing is amino acid supplementation. Just as certain amino acids build the muscles of the body, others build the feel-good neurotransmitters of the brain. A trained professional can walk you through the process of deciding which aminos are right for you.
  

• Evaluate your nutrition. Supply your body with healthy proteins, carbohydrates, and vegetables. Incorporate vitamin, mineral, and amino acid supplements. A healthy body strengthens you to overcome life’s hurdles.
  

Whatever your habit, addiction, or compulsion, you are not worthless or hopeless. There will be many people who will show up in your life as rescue lines when you reach out and are searching and prayerful. Remember, you have the power to overcome all things through your faith and the support of others.