A Word of Warning to the Empath
I have written on the topic of empaths in the past, but recently, with my clients and others, I’m seeing that a further word of caution is needed. This topic is for everyone: you will recognize the traits and needs of the empath either for yourself or for those you love and care about.
By definition, an empath is a person who literally feels the emotions of those around them. This is not intentional and is usually not understood on the conscious level. It is not uncommon for an empath to instinctively know when someone is lying or even to know what a person might say next. An empath can walk into a room and instantly take on the feelings and the energy of that room.
According to Staci Sadler, author of Aura Personalities, empaths are “vessels or containers for many things, including the energy of other people. This is their great gift and their Achilles heel until they master what they let in.”
Empaths are natural healers. You might notice you are in the presence of an empath if you find yourself opening up and telling them very personal things about yourself. You may even feel calmer and lighter after being in their space.
This is where the dilemma lies. If you are an empath, you will see that you attract those who are suffering, toxic, depressed, broken, or not living up to their potential. This in itself can be a good thing as long as you practice healthy boundaries. It becomes dangerous when empathic single women and men find themselves attracting negative personality types when they are socializing and especially when they are dating.
It helps to understand that the narcissist stands on the other side of the gift of the empath. I’ve heard it said that if you go to a dance where there is a narcissist and an empath in attendance, they will find each other. I have found this to be very much the case. Why is this so? Mainly because the empath is naturally one who will second-guess her impressions while at the same time feeling the need to do what is “right”.
Often, an empath will meet someone with narcissistic tendencies, and while she may recognize that she is being overly charmed by this new person, she will doubt her (correct) assessment. She will “see” that this person just needs extra love—much like a neglected puppy dog needs a new home. If the empath doesn’t recognize this dysfunctional pattern of behavior and doesn’t set proper boundaries, she will be taken in by this charmer (narcissist), and I’m pretty sure we all know how this story ends.
If you recognize this behavior in yourself or someone you love, here are some things that might help break this destructive pattern:
Become conscious of the negativity/confusion you are absorbing.
Verbalize these feelings. Talk to a friend or talk to yourself. Hearing yourself say the things you are feeling is an important step in processing and working through it.
Face your fears. The world is a harsh place, and no one knows this better than you. Master the fear around this by recognizing that fear is blocking you from your ability to heal yourself and to function at your peak.
Clean your space. You are responsible for taking care of your immediate environment. Incorporate peaceful rituals into your daily life: spend time outside in solitude, pray, meditate, journal, or create art. Also, literally clean your room!
Create healthy boundaries. Intentionally learn the art of saying no. Not everyone’s emergency is yours to fix. This is a big one. Your nature says otherwise, but it is not on you to correct everyone else’s problems or uncomfortable situations. You will likely need someone to help you with this. A friend or mentor can walk you through what is appropriate and what isn’t yours to do.
Quit doubting yourself. A wise man once said, “Doubt your doubts.” Great advice. Call out your negative self-talk so that you can create the confidence needed to stand your ground. You can do this with grace and poise, but do this you must.
Trust your instincts. Your first impression is usually correct. If you feel like someone is coming on too strong, stop. Listen to that inner voice that is trying to warn you. Notice when you feel uncomfortable around someone. It’s okay to walk away.
Ask others for their opinion. If you have no knowledge of a new acquaintance’s character or background, ask those who do. What are their impressions of or knowledge about the person who is trying to come into your life. Listen to them. Regard what they are telling you as objectively as you can. If someone is sweet to you while being a tyrant at work, it is a huge warning sign! Take heed!
Empaths are sensitive souls who need to learn how to protect their energy fields. These suggestions will keep them out of victimhood and away from those who would take advantage of their pure natures.
If you are an empath, you are a natural healer. You may not know this about yourself, but you are able to bring calm and emotional healing to those in your presence. You are a gift from God, and when you understand this and know how to care for yourself, you will be able to transform fear into something whole and powerful. You will learn how to feel peaceful and confident and use your personal power for good. Be good to yourself, and the right people will appear in your life to take care of you just as you naturally take care of them.
